TBRP Facebook | Check out our Facebook page here
|
| {*USERNAME}
| Enigma's Writing Contest Judging Thread | |
| Author | Message |
---|
Enigma Gold
Posts : 133 Join date : 2013-11-09
| Subject: Enigma's Writing Contest Judging Thread Tue Feb 25, 2014 8:15 am | |
| For the sake of organization I have created this thread specifically for judging and voting. The judging will be based on three categories. Story concept, writing technique, and story implementation, all added together to create a final score. Story concept: The general idea of the story. Writing technique: How well the syntax you use conveys the overall tone of your story, as well as your grammar and spelling. Typo's will be ignored unless there are a lot. Story implementation: How good your story is, basically. How well you took your idea and expanded it into a story. The grading skill is 0 through 10 0 - You didn't even write a story 1 - You wrote a word 2 - You wrote a sentence 3 - You wrote a paragraph 4 - Sub-par, just give up. Tons of mistakes, nearly unreadable. 5 - Average, lots of mistakes, takes away from the story, but just as much as one would expect from an average writer 6 - Slightly above average, several mistakes, but still readable. 7 - Above average, Many mistakes, but a good read none-the-less. 8 - Very much above average, few mistakes, easy to read 9 - Nearly perfect, next to no issues, none or very few detract from the story 10 - Perfect in every way. I seriously doubt anyone will be graded a 10 in anything. When all three scores have been decided by each individual judge, they will be added together for your final score. So say you score a 5 in everything for all three judges, your final score would be a 45. Highest score wins the judging portion of the contest. Judges will post in their own chosen color, I'll create a key later. After your name you will see something like 9/8/7-5/6/7-8/9/6= These are your scores, in the order listed above. Concept, Technique, Implementation. Judges, you will PM your grades and tell me who it is for, and the title of their story. I will update this post with that information. All stories will be moved here. KEY:EnigmaMiss Elegent SerenityMatteuseDarklight EgoManiac [size=17.77777862548828] GRADES:[/size] [size=17.77777862548828] STORIES:[/size] Heizengard: - Spoiler:
“Gah I can't think of anything!” I shouted grabbing my head in frustration. I was trying to come up with my latest creepypasta but I just couldn't think of anything to write, I mean I've already written 20 of these things. Some of them are fan sequels to other more popular creepypastas like Jeff the Killer, Slenderman, Ben Drowned and my all time favorite Sonic.exe but when it came to making up my own I just could not think of anything after a while. I needed to come up with something new, I mean my fan was eagerly waiting for my latest story.
After sitting here for the past hour and a half trying to come up with something I decided to take a break and surf the internet when I noticed a site called fanfiction.net. I've never read a fanfic but I decided to check the site out and immediately I was hooked. I started reading fanfic after fanfic, mostly the crossover ones. While I was reading my fifth fanfic an idea came to my mind. What if I wrote my own crossover fanfic? I thought. I thought on the idea for a while before deciding that that would be my latest project.
I sat at my computer screen thinking of what I should make my crossover fanfic about. I didn't want to use the more popular shows and games since it would look like I was just trying to get hits but I can't use lesser known shows and games either because then almost nobody would read it. After thinking on it for a while I decided to use a more popular show or game and cross it over with a less popular show or game, but which should I do? I should probably base it off of a series I know. Aha I got it! It will be a crossover with The Walking Dead and Tales of Symphonia! Brilliant!
After coming up with my crossover I was struck with another problem: what was it gonna be about? I already knew it was gonna have to have a guy x guy pairing because heterosexual pairings are too over rated. I just need to figure out the story and the pairings. After sitting at my screen deep in thought my mom came down stairs (I live in her basement) and asked me when I was gonna move out as usual. I gave her my usual response of soon and she left. As soon as she left thought I figured out what to do with the story.
It's gonna take place in Sylvarant. While on a supply trip Daryl get's engulfed by a while light and gets transported to Sylvarant where he meets Kratos and the two fall in love. I know the engulfed by a white light sounds like a cop out but I'll figure out how to explain how it happened as I write it. I decided to pick the two most popular characters in the show and game because of the obscure crossover. Plus these are just my absolute favorite characters ever.
I began writing the story and after about 4 hours I finished all 6 chapters. It's a tale of love and loss and it might just be my best story yet. I went onto the site to submit it. I mentioned how this was my first time writing a fanfic and asked people not to flame me since I can't handle being criticized. There was quite a few grammar mistakes in the story as well but I could always fix it some other time. After submitting all of the chapters I shut my computer down and went to sleep hoping the people who read it will like it.
I woke up at around 9 in the morning and got ready to go do some job hunting (it's part of my agreement with my parents). After getting no hits I went back into the basement and began to cry. When I was done I decided to check to see if I had any hits on my fanfic and when I logged onto the site I saw that 3 people already added it to they're favorites and I had 5 reviews. I read them and each one told me how great it was and how I made the pairings seem realistic. No one mentioned anything about the grammar and continuity mistakes in the story though, saying I should have labeled it as AU (alternate universe).
This was really odd. Why did no one notice my grammar mistakes? It should have been the thing that was criticized the most since there were so many of them. I decided to test something out. I wrote a one-off fanfic about Dr. Who and didn't bother editing the grammar mistakes in this one either and went to bed. When I checked the next morning it already had quite a few favorites and I now had a few people following me. All the reviews on this one to didn't bother to mention my grammar mistakes either and that's when I realized it. These people will read anything.
This made me really happy. It meant that I could keep writing here and I never have to edit anything again. Anytime I make some kind of continuity mistake I'll label it AU. Yes this is perfect! I immediately began working on my next fanfic. Goodbye creepypastas and hello world of fanfiction.
Enigma: - Spoiler:
WARP A man out of time.
Another day had gone, and another civilization had fallen. Or at least it had in the eyes of one very unique man. To this man, time was irrelevant. It was as if the laws of physics had bent around him. He no longer had a conscious ability to tell the passing of time. He could see the world flash around him, but his own time was unknown to him. He had no idea of his age, or how long he had been travelling for. If one could really call what he did travelling, that is.
The echo of his mother frantically screaming his name still reverberated through his mind. “Klein!” she would scream, repeatedly, unceasingly. He was but a child at the time, no older than eight. That seemed like an eternity ago, and it seemed like it had just happened. He couldn't really tell anymore. He noticed he was physically much older, at least in his mid-thirties now he surmised, but past a logical guess, he had no idea. He had little to no understanding of the things happening to him. How he survived for so long without eating, for instance, or without any water. On occasion, time would return to its normal pace around him and he would be able to relish in small treats, like a glass of whatever the drink of choice was in his current period in time, or a small meal. These periods generally lasted for less than five minutes of relative time though, and he was usually in the middle of his meal as the restaurant or tavern suddenly began crumbling down around him. And so, he would enter back into the void.
Klein was a ghost; a ghost of time and space. He was not able to interact with the world around him when in what he had called the “slipstream”; however, this also protected him from any deadly events through the course of time. For as long as he had been travelling, he had only been looping through the course of human history and the human future on earth. When the earth would become uninhabitable, he would once again return to the beginning of civilization. He had watched all of the great civilizations rise and fall; Sumeria, Babylon, Egypt, and Rome, to name a few.
At the current point in time, Klein was out of the slipstream. Oddly enough, he had been out for nearly twenty-five minutes now, and was just finishing his meal. He seemed to be sometime within the twenty-first century, but had no idea of the actual year. He had tried to estimate based off of the news scrolling across the TV screen, but he could only place his time in between 2010 and 2020. Refusing to subscribe to the old cliché of ‘excuse me sir, what year is it?’ Klein instead chose to find a newspaper. After a few minutes of walking he came across a small gas station and walked through the door, the loud ‘ding’ nearly startling him. Most of his time was spent in ancient civilizations, after all. He approached the newspaper rack inside the store and found the day’s paper. He looked down at the date, and a quizzical expression crossed his face. The date he was looking down at seemed oddly familiar. June 17th, 2013. Klein shook the thought from his head as another one entered. “2013…my old house should still be around!” Ever paranoid of paradoxes, Klein decided to simply view the house from afar, not coming close enough to register with whoever might be living in the house. He could no longer remember his address, but somehow, the turns and side-streets seemed fresh in his mind. He was certain he could find it. Three and a half hours had gone by before Klein had even noticed. He wasn’t too terribly far from where had lived in that life, but without any vehicle or money to take the bus or a taxi, it was still quite the walk. He was nearing the end of the trip now though, still a bit confused as to why this time out of the stream had been so long. After some time, he had arrived at the end of the street where his house stood, just as he remembered it. A car honked at Klein, and upon realizing he was standing in the street, he quickly side stepped onto the sidewalk, allowing it to pass. The car revved a little and pulled into a driveway at the end of the street; a driveway which lead to Klein’s house. Out of the car stepped Klein’s mother and his heart nearly skipped a beat. Klein opened his mouth to yell out to her, but stopped mid-way as his fear of paradoxes reminded him to keep quiet. He had no idea what would happen in that event. Perhaps the entire universe would fracture and devour itself; perhaps the earth would erase itself from history. He wouldn't risk it. He couldn't. He would, however, try and get a closer look. As he approached the house and crept towards one of the windows, Klein began to hear a very clear sound; the sound of his mother screaming. “Klein!” She screamed, repeatedly, unceasingly. He watched for just a few moments, seeing her quickly pace around the room, looking for her missing son. He took a step closer, and a branch loudly cracked underneath his feet. His mother turned and looked directly into his eyes, and Klein immediately turned on his heels and sprinted away. As he sprinted, he began to see the world speed past around him, once again; faster than usual though, much faster. He watched humanity slowly die, and he knew it was going to start over again. The time didn't stop though. It kept going, and going, until even the plant life had died. The Earth was no longer anything but molten rocks, and the sun had become a red giant, nearly touching the earth. In his final moment, the slipstream stopped, as the sun erupted into a supernova. The blinding flash caused Klein to shut his eyes, as he faded away.
But he could still feel his body, his heart beating, and he was still conscious. It was dark, and he could hear a faint scream. “Klein!” Klein opened his eyes and inched his way out of the crawl space before yelling back. “Coming Mom!"
|
| | | pizzanerd1 Ruby
Posts : 543 Join date : 2013-01-18 Age : 37 Location : San Francisco, California
| Subject: Re: Enigma's Writing Contest Judging Thread Tue Feb 25, 2014 7:15 pm | |
| Sorry, but I noticed how long my story was after I finished writing it. It takes up seven pages on microsoft word, which would be too much to be judged. So i'm going to respectively back out of the contest |
| | | Dungeon Master Ruby
Posts : 623 Join date : 2013-11-09
| Subject: Re: Enigma's Writing Contest Judging Thread Thu Mar 06, 2014 2:35 pm | |
| Aaaaaand, I accidentally posted my story in the wrong topic. Thanks to Heizengard for pointing that out to me. Again, sorry this is so late in the contest. - Spoiler:
At The Nameless Hero's Grave
A young man walked on a journey one day, To visit the cursed ruins of his ancestor's grave. All the people he knew tried to fill him with dread, They insisted it was cursed, he could even end up dead. But the young man continued, he was set on his task, Because there was still a small hope, Even the slightest chance, That he could maybe uncover the full truth at last.
So he went to the tomb where his ancestor lay, The entrance was defiled, covered in curses most vile, Instead of the ancestor's real, proper name. Still undaunted, the man stepped inside, Hardly even changing his face or his stride. Overcome with a desire to know the truth from the lies, He had to see what the mausoleum had to hide.
He had to know why his family's name, Was one associated with guilt and with shame. Why through the centuries, his past was still stained. Was this man really so evil? Did he deserve all this blame? The young man wanted to see if he could find the answer for himself. His parents tried to persuade him, "the past is best left in a book on our shelf. We should simply be content to not be hated in this day, Leave the past alone and forgotten, let it lay, let it lay."
But the man was not content to simply leave the past behind, He forged on through the tomb as these thoughts ran through his mind. Eventually he came across an old and dusty book, So of course he set his lamp nearby and opened it to take a look. What he found inside that book would shock him to his core, It was a full history of his forgotten ancestor, with stories he'd never even heard before. What was told in that book is listed right here, no less and no more.
"You have come to the place where the man named -- lies," The name here is illegible, just a blur to human eyes. "Perhaps you have heard stories of how he was faithless and untrue, All sorts of false tales of hatred and betrayal, And how his punishment was fair and just, if a bit overdue. But those things you have heard are most certainly wrong, Every story, every fable, every cold and vengeful song. I will tell you his story, as I have seen it with my own eyes, I will tell you of why this man was hated and betrayed, Why he was hunted like prey until the day that he died."
"He grew up as a boy who just wanted nothing more, Then to be known as the greatest hero of any who came before. Ever since he was a young child, he trained daily with the sword, He was content in his small village for a while, but soon he wanted more. He wished to become a shining beacon of hope throughout the land, He strove to become the kind of person who helped and saved his fellow man. He soon lost himself in his naive yet earnest wish, His intentions were always pure and his heart, always selfless, But then, perhaps his fall would not have happened at all, If he hadn't lost himself in such single-mindedness."
"As he matured in age and experience, he soon set out on his quest. His skills were soon known to be legendary, people said he was certainly the best. He was known to aid random passerbys who were in desperate need of help. But when they asked their hero who he was, he often kept to himself. For many years he wandered the lands and he hardly spoke a word. Nobody knew who this man really was, his intentions were never heard."
"From far away in their castle walls, kings and nobles had started to take note. Of a man who was traveling far and wide, destroying evil and bringing hope. They invited him to come and speak with them, but their offers were all rejected. The man turned them down without a thought, fortune and fame were not his objective. So fear and doubt filled their hearts as they started to wonder, ponder and question. "What does this man want, who wanders in silence? What is his purpose, what gives him direction?" So they came to the conclusion, through fear and self-delusion, That he set out to win the people's hearts, then start an insurrection."
"So it was that two great countries had sought to remove the great hero's head. They told the people he was an avatar of war, that if they saw him they'd soon be dead. And so the truth was soon to be lost in a wave of false propaganda and hate. It was at this moment I realized that my friend had sealed his unfortunate fate. It was not long after that the two armies met on what would soon be a battlefield filled with death. The hero charged in before the battle could start to keep the two warring parties apart. He cried out for peace, his face filled with desperation, The last thing he wanted was for chaos between the nations. But his pleas went ignored and the battle would soon begin, So this man had come up with one final plan, knowing full well just how it would end. He stood between the armies, never faltering for a moment. He said to them all "Come face me now, for I am truly your opponent! If my warning is ignored, your homes will burn to the ground! I am the harbinger of war, in your own blood you will drown!" So the soldiers now turned to face him, and him they faced alone. But even though his death was coming soon, the hero's face was as cold as stone. He fought both of the armies at the same time, never retreating, never landing a blow. Even so the battle went late into the night, when a final strike laid the young hero low. So ends the story of the "nameless hero," as my memories have recollected, My only hope is that while lies prevail now, one day the truth will be resurrected."
When he finished reading the ancient tome, the young man's heart was filled with regret. He and his family had passed such a harsh judgment on a stranger whom they had never met. And then, for what must have been the very first time in all of its many years of age, Tears of sorrow and pride were so softly cried over the nameless hero's grave. The young man walked away from that tomb, taking a new vision and a noble cause. "I will learn from his mistakes and no matter what it takes, I will find my own path and in my very own way, I will live up to the legend that the nameless hero was."
|
| | | Hurricaneria Sapphire
Posts : 206 Join date : 2013-10-08 Age : 30 Location : South Jersey
| Subject: Re: Enigma's Writing Contest Judging Thread Thu Mar 06, 2014 2:56 pm | |
| Here's my entry. "The Green Man of Belgica"- Spoiler:
As I regained my consciousness, I could clearly see colorful fires burning my ship. My allies were laying on the ground near the debris, but none seemed to move. To the best of my strength, I crawled to each of them to check for signs of life. The lookout. The captain. The helmsman Even the young cabin boy. They were no longer with me. I frantically looked about for my friends. Surrounding the site as far as I could see were tall, giant, thick plants with rough protrusions that rustled with a harmony of sounds when the wind blew on them; these protrusions created a large ceiling above me that allowed very little light through from the sky. According to my calculations, it should be high sun at this place in time. How can any plant be large enough to cover the only source of light in this world, and, how can there be so many? It is impossible. The inhabitants are too primitive to know how to splice plant genes; not even my own people have ever known how to create plants as large as these.
I feel the ground below my palms. It feels...stable. No natural ground I have ever known has been this stable. How can that be? Is it because of these giants plants? It makes sense. The larger the plant, the bigger the roots grow, and the larger the roots, the more stable the ground is. I take a deep breath. The air tastes good, and I feel more alive than I have ever felt. With large plants like these, the air must be cleaner and more breathable. This is an astonishing discovery! With these large plants, we could bring about an era of life! We would not have to rely on synthetic ground anymore, or fusion chemicals to make breathable oxygen! We as a race could be much healthier and stronger with giants plants like these! Was this what our mission was? Were we supposed to take a sample of these plants? Everything about our mission was coming together.
It was not time to celebrate just yet though. I felt my stomach aching and I knew I was bleeding from the inside. I stood up and searched for my friends. I merely found a couple of their corpses, and the rest were missing. I wanted to cry, but as I looked at the beautiful scenery around me, it would make me forget again what position I was in right now.
Without warning, a sharp object hit me in my arm, and I loudly moaned in pain. I pulled the object out and observed it. It was a long rod with three white feathers on one end, and a small, sharpened metal on the other, and it left a big gaping hole in my arm, Another long rod came zooming at me, missing me by a mere meter and striking a large plant beside me. I finally realized, this was not an accident; this was a primitive weapon meant to kill; I immediately hid behind one of the large plants. Demanding voices began shouting from a distance, and the sound was making a strange echo along the giant plants. I looked nearby the debris of the ship and saw the colorful fires were beginning to fade out. With quick thinking, I rushed to the ship with what seemed like a barrage of rod weapons trying to strike me down. I got into cover along the ship. The captain still had his weapon holstered by his thigh - that was what I needed. I dove to the captain's body and ducked my head each time a sharp rod zoom toward me as I tried to unbuckle his weapon. I then succeeded in gaining a weapon - then it was time to deal with these primitives.
I engaged the weapon's scope and looked around the giant plants for my enemies. I almost laughed when I spotted one! He was almost half my height and had these pointy ears with long, golden mane coming from his head. He was wielding a bigger curved rod with a string that he was pulling, ready to launch another rod at me. It just seemed too easy. I locked on the primitive's skull and fired a green round, instantly disintegrating his head. I saw other beings like him start to scatter and get scared. I tuned in the weapon's chatter microphone and watched the screen on it to see what they were yelling about. A translation came up. "The large green man is dangerous! Inform the Elven Lord! Send a scout to the humans! The forest is in danger!" This is not good. Whoever these beings are, they have a sense of culture. I need to leave this place before they come back with more. I scanned the area for enemies, then took whatever ammo was left from my crew. I am sorry everyone. I need to leave you.
I exited the vast array of giant plants and saw what looked like a primitive settlement; the houses seemed to be made out of the same thing as these giant plants. In the distance, I heard a clash of metal and a stampede coming from the settlement. I had my weapon scan for chatter again. "Our Elven brothers are in danger! A tall green man from the sky has invaded our sacred forest! To battle!" This does not sound good. I readied my blaster at the settlement. As expected, beings about the size of those I encountered in the forest started charging in on the backs of big prey-like animals with long noses. The beings themselves did not have pointy ears, but their hair was much greasier, dark in color, and they had hair on their faces. They were adorned in metal clothes that clang together while raising large, sharp metal rods. This is daunting. I fired as many particles at them as I could. The rounds easily disintegrated their metal and ate right through their bodies. The animals they were riding on were getting scared and threw some of their riders off and ran away. Some of the clanking beings started charging at me with their weapons. Hmm...I wonder...
I dropped my weapon on the ground and focused my mind. I raised my hand and mimed clutching something. One of the beings froze in place, yelling, scared. I picked him up from the ground using my mind and started throwing him around in the air. In seconds, he passed out. I dropped him while he was meters from the ground and killed him. A few of the charging beings began running off scared, and a couple were already very close and about to strike. I lifted both my hands and bended the particles to push them away. One of them got up and ran off, and the other broke his neck while tumbling. This did not seem to be hard at all.
I spoke too soon. A scaly beast with wings swooped in from above, screaming dominance. I immediately picked up my blaster and fired at him. His scales were immune to the chemicals from the rounds. This was not good. I bended a nearby large plant to cover me as he came swooping, but apparently he could combust the air with his breath and burn anything that can catch on fire. The plant burnt to a crisp in mere moments. I observed the beast as he flew around. Maybe I cannot eat away at his skin, but perhaps pierce it? I picked up the largest metal rod I found, and with careful precision - I used the particles in the air to launch it at the beast. It pierced his chest! He was angrier now, though. I dodged his array of flame and picked up another metal rod to wear him down. I launched it at his neck by mistake, but...it seemed to work! He was beginning to choke and eventually landed to catch his breath. He passed out from lack of air. I...I am alive! I did it! I...! My stomach began to ache again. The world around me started to black out. No...I...I forgot my organs were bleeding. Is this the end? I guess I failed my mission. I...I do not want to die...not yet...I...I want to help bring a healthy life to my people...No!
|
| | | Sponsored content
| Subject: Re: Enigma's Writing Contest Judging Thread | |
| |
| | | | Enigma's Writing Contest Judging Thread | |
|
Similar topics | |
|
| Permissions in this forum: | You cannot reply to topics in this forum
| |
| |
| |